Smokey the bear is having none of your shit today, Jack.

-- DM after the sorcerer almost set a forest on fire. While fighting a bear.

Hey 47! Turn down!
TURN DOWN FOR WHAT! *plummets the pelican towards the ground*


the worst feeling is when one of your friends brings up a kink that you kinda like but then they’re like “IDK WHY PEOPLE LIKE THAT SORT OF THING THAT’S WEIRD” and you just (sweats quietly)




I’m waiting for an appointment and there are tons of seats open, most of them with no one sitting next to them.

Yet you, random weird stranger, have chosen to sit RIGHT NEXT TO ME. What is wrong with you? Can’t you tell that you’re making me anxious?

Oh, would you look at that. Looks like I need to use the restroom all of a sudden even though I went when I got here 10 minutes ago. Better take all of my stuff with me and hope you don’t get offended…

Okay random stranger, if you ever see this just know that the general consensus is that you’re not being very nice and probably shouldn’t sit next to people when there are other open seats.




Listen, anytime someone unnecessarily gets too into my personal space, it is a struggle. I struggle very hard.

To not rip the loudest fart known to man.





Today I learned that the Curiosity sang itself ‘Happy Birthday’ on its year anniversary of being on Mars.

All alone.

Hundreds of thousands of miles from anyone or anything.

Guys I am depressed over robots now.

oh god this is the saddest thing i have ever read

Guys, shhh. No, this isn’t sad.

Curiosity isn’t hundreds of thousands of miles from anyone or anything. Curiosity has Spirit, Opportunity, Mars 3, Sojourner, Viking 1, and Viking 2 to keep him company on the red planet.

Opportunity is still exploring; Spirit, while still functional, is stuck in a crater, so cannot move around very much. The rest of them are quiet, asleep; old and beautiful and dignified in their silence

Curiosity sang Happy Birthday to himself and he had Spirit and Opportunity with him—and he had an entire planet down below to celebrate his life, his achievements, his brilliance

Curiosity sang Happy Birthday to celebrate an entire year of doing what he was designed to do; an entire year of exploring a planet on which he was not born, an entire year of roving and collecting information

an entire year of Mars becoming his home to share with his precursors, several of which are miraculously still doing their jobs (Opportunity was only expected to last 90 days; he’s lasted TEN YEARS)

it was a song of absolute euphoric joy, not one of loneliness

Curiosity is the exact opposite of lonely; he has hundreds of thousands of people down below who adore him, family at ground control to communicate with him constantly; and plenty of kin on the red planet’s surface to keep him company.

This is the exact opposite of sad.

We didn’t abandon the Mars robots.  We sent them home.

Your eyebrows are sisters, not twins.

-- The most comforting beauty advice I’ve ever been given. (via cinniie)


So one of my best friends had a medieval fantasy wedding



at a hella cool castle


the groom channeled Thranduil and the Baratheons


the bridesmaids were elf maidens


the court jester and town crier were there


the cakes were gorgeous



luckily a friar was passing through town who was able to officiate (“mawwaige,” he said, “is what bwings us togevver today”)


the bride’s chariot was pulled by the most beautiful creature


unfortunately, as with all medieval weddings, there is the dragon problem


redneckyacht opatisliz kaijuhearmenow eternalgirlscout


Rae Earl Appreciation Week → Day 5: Saddest moment 

I f  I   c o u l d   b e   w h o   y o u   w a n t e d

I f  I   c o u l d   b e   w h o   y o u   w a n t e d

                    A l l   t h e   t i m e

                   A l l   t h e   t i m e